Wednesday, February 6, 2013

things we learned in 2012

our boys are fearless...and honest

Afton, age six: Mom, watch me do this weewee!
Me, a little startled: A what?!
Afton: A weewee, you know, wike what Mattie does on his big bike? A WEEWEE! I can do it, too!

Our son has made a baptismal tub out of exercise mats and is dunking his stuffed buddies. The first one in is a shark puppet, who has come to know Jesus and is now "a nice shahk, an' not a fewoshus man-eating creechah."
Caught Afton in the kitchen getting a large freezer ziploc baggie, looking a little suspicious. The interrogation goes like this: 
Me: What do you need a baggie for? 
Afton: For...doin' something wif it. 
Me: What are you going to do with it? 
Afton: Um...fill it wif air an' tack it to the wall. 
Me: What for?  
Afton: For an emergency. 
Me: Why would you need a baggie of air tacked to your wall in an emergency? 
Afton: In case we need a whoopie cushion.
Mattie: Hey Mom, don't worry if you hear a big crash upstairs in a minute. It's just me being adventurous.

*insert suspenseful narrator voice* Afton, being fearless as always with the pepper shaker, throws it on his corn on the cob and goes in boldly for the first bite of black-encrusted yumminess: "Mmm...OH, my." Pause. "Whoa-" -gulp- "I think I used too mu-" gack, sputter...and the rest is lost in coughing, amid hysterical laughter from his unsympathetic table mates. We have dinner entertainment every night, folks.

I asked Mattie if his room was clean, and he says yes - and then qualifies it with, "...if you're a person who's good at finding your footing."

learning English

Andrey, watching me cook dinner: Pizza?
Afton: No, wasagna. Can you say "wasagna?"
Andrey: Zanya?
Afton, jubilant: Mom! He said it almost perfectwy, he just forgot da "wuh."

Chamberlain, to Andrey, while I'm prepping potatoes for dinner: "See dis? Iss a toe-tay-toe. Can you say toe-tay-toe? Toetaytoe, Andrey!" 
After a victorious day punctuated with moments of great frustration, we capped it off with an overly cocky child demanding tabasco sauce with dinner - quickly followed by the joy of watching natural consequences ensue. The play-by-play is as follows: 
Mattie, to Andrey: Do you want this? It's called...TABASCO. (big grin)  
Me, to Mattie: Noooo!! NO! Don't offer him that! (starts to remove tabasco amid loud protests of both Mattie and his unsuspecting victim) 
Mattie: But Mom, he wants it! See?! 
Me, to Andrey: It's hot. Spicy. TOPLO. You sure you want it? 
Andrey: Da. (huge grin) 
Me: Oooookay...(motions to Andrey to just dip his finger first to taste it) 
Andrey's grin widens and he scoops a generous amount onto his fingertip. Takes a mouthful, smiles at his audience in a self-satisfyingly manner for about 1.5 seconds...and then commences convulsing and screaming as though we had done something terrible to him, to the great entertainment of everyone else. God loves me.

homeschooling: they don't always learn what you think you're teaching them...

A few large puppets + several smaller stuffed animals + elementary knowledge of childbirth = not the puppet show I was expecting to watch right after breakfast.

I'm chopping nuts with the ulu and ask the twins if they know what the name of the knife is - they both promptly answer "pizza cutter." Funny little Alaskan kids.

the life of a mama

You know you've found a great doctor when they ask "How often do you exercise?" and you answer "I have four children and a two story house without an elevator" and they are good with that.

In all the chaos of planning an overseas trip and getting ready to bring home Andrey and Reagan, I realized I had forgotten to put something crucial on our to-do list. I've fixed it now, though, and "paint toenails" has now been put in its proper place near the top of the agenda.
The cat just made a mess in three different places and I confess that I am really, really bummed that none of the kids have misbehaved tonight and earned extra chores. Being honest.  
Five minutes later: Never mind. An altercation over brushing teeth at bedtime resulted in a small injury requiring a large band-aid, and I sent the offender to go clean up cat puke. Procrastination wins.

I can't tell you how many times a day I reach for the pencil behind my ear and then realize that I am trying to write with a knitting needle.

There is some small comfort when you get ready for bed and realize that you have been entertaining the general public all day by wearing stickers all over your backside that were meticulously applied by your toddler.

Afton: Oh no!! Andrey threw it and it landed in my CUP! Now I can't drink my TEEEEA!!
Me, not thinking (obviously): It's just a crayon. Drink it.

Woke up to Chamberlain singing the ABC song on repeat right next to my head. I looked and looked for a snooze button on her, but alas...

Intercepted two crayons that were headed to go into the dryer with a clean load of laundry, and felt a little like Ethan Hunt, Mama-style. The laundry load full of favorite hoodies is saved, thankyouverymuch. *cue Mission Impossible theme*

toddlers are adorable...and dangerous

Our kids have acquired a somewhat morbid sense of humor from watching VeggieTales. Chamberlain just had a piece of carrot: she called it Laura, took a bite of it, and then softly yelled "Oww! Help!!" in a high, squeaky voice.

Ah, toddlers: Those aggravating little creatures who uproot your plants and cut the stems into pieces, then proceed to calmly reassure you that we can glue it.

Chamberlain found a dead fly and sighed, "Ohhh, poor fwy, we sould feed him some oatmeal!" Mattie informed her that the fly was dead, and she immediately grabbed a shoe and commenced beating it to a pulp. Capricious, thy name is "toddler."

The kids and I are peeling hard-boiled eggs. Chamberlain grabs an egg out of the bowl, scratches at it with no success, and puts it back, muttering, "Dis one doesn't work, eider."

Daddy wrestling with all four of the kids is all fun and games, until the toddler finds the set of nunchucks. Kapow!

**Want more? Find it at Copperlight Wood. Enjoy!

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