a baruch's lullaby sampler

Yes, I am the crazy lady sitting in her front yard, in 70+ degree weather, decked out in tank top and shorts, hair up, barefoot...and knitting...winter mittens.

Lunchtime: One spilled drink, one stack of dishes dropped twice in a row (plastic, phew!), and one tumble down the stairs that entirely flattened the baby gate. All from the same kid.

Warning: Reading Charlotte Bronte while finishing a project may result in needing to rip out three extra inches of unintentional knitting.

Big Red: "Ow! I stepped on the maff calcuwador, and it smarted! It hurt wike the dickens!!"

Well, hello 8 am - we seem to be running into each other a lot more often lately. 
And no, I still don't like you.

Fighting temptation to get a kitten. It already feels like we're wading in a low surf of kids and cats here, and this might add a little pirahna to the waters.

On one hand, four hours of sleep. 
On the other hand, sandals and chai tea. 
It all shakes out.

I asked my boys a simple question during chore time: 
"How does your room look?"
Their simple (but honest) answer: 
"Like a toy store...after an earthquake."

I guess it is inevitable that a toddler who gets so excited about collecting pine cones would be equally thrilled to come upon a pile of old moose nuggets.

How is it that a child can take a hot shower for 25 minutes and still come out with a milk mustache?

Bedtime was half an hour ago, but I just caught a red-haired kid playing the harmonica. Seriously, it's like living with SkippyJon Jones, with curls.

12:59am and I just poured a cup of coffee. What? No, it's decaf. Stop looking at me like that.

Hot cocoa + small child 
= instant chocolate fu manchu

Big family outing to the dentist, followed by a trip to Donut King. My husband is soooo cool.

"Grown-ups call it mucus. The rest of us call it boogers."

‎"DohNOT" - what you say to your children when you start to tell them "don't" but immediately realize you want to sound tougher. As in, "DohNOT wrap up your sister with my tape measure!" "DohNOT feed your split pea soup to the cat!" etc... this is not to be confused with a doughnut, which can lead to the misbehavior in the first place.

"Neckwarmers are better den scarves because you don' hafta TIE dem." Of course, this is from the same kid who waved his sister's pink fairy wand at me earlier, smiled sweetly, and whispered, "You're a toad." So, please feel free to contradict him.

Never underestimate the power of a four-year-old who thinks he can work a toaster
or the height of his jump 
the first time the toast pops. 

Felt-o-rama fact: Did you know that wet, felted wool is sticky? And that, once over-felted, it takes the strength of two large men (or *ahem* one short gal who's given birth naturally to an almost 9lb. baby) to stretch them back to the correct size? Hoo-rah!

Walked into the garage and found the three oldest kids putting a stray cat into a cage that they had made of milk crates. I told them to let her go back outside because she can't stay in our garage. Iree answered, "It's a boy, Mom. Mattie saw it's pompoms." (!)

Big Red, using a cardboard toilet paper roll as a trumpet at bedtime: "YOU TALK TROO IT. IT'S MY WOWDSPEAKER." 
I was wowed, alright.

Spent several frustrating minutes trying to remove the plastic shrink wrapping from a package of envelopes before I realized that within! my! reach! were about 42 very sharp, potentially deadly implements to attack the pesky stuff with. 
The moral?
Knitting needles. They're not just for picking locks with anymore.

Ever watched a baby as they first discover that their fingers fit perfectly inside their nose? Just asking.

Brother crashes backward into sister. 
Sister screams, "OWW!" 
Brother, not hurt and also not thinking, immediately also screams "OWW!" 
Sister, still in pain and holding her nose with one hand, shoves brother with her free hand and yells, "NO, not YOU 'Ow!' ME 'Oww!' You're SORRY!!!"

Played Apples to Apples with the kids and got spanked by the four-year-old. He doesn't read yet, picks cards utterly at random, and still whoops the rest of us. Ridiculous.

 Reading Beatrix Potter stories to the kids is infinitely more challenging when they request that you keep switching back and forth between British and American accents.


icklepay said...

Great blog post!

Picking locks, picking noses, and checking pompoms. LOL!

Kathleen said...

bwahahahamaamaha! *ahem* Thank you very much for this delicious sample of your wit, wisdom, and Alaskan antics.
*returns to hysterical laughter*

Luscious Lather said...

Love it! Especially moose nuggets and pompoms, but that's just me. :)

chocolatedogstudio said...

Sounds like our house, but it was dog poops instead of pine cones and they were thought to be round rocks. We still tease him today now that he is 22 about his rock collection. Kids are just funny and yours are awesome!